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Jun. 6th, 2008

Writer's Block: A Last Day Well Spent

If you knew it was your last day on earth, how would you spend the time?
I would probably spend it with my boyfriend, friends, and some family. I would also spend alot of the day apologizing to people that i know that i've hurt before. also on the other hand i might just want to spend it laying there with him. and just being, us. and having fun. 

Jun. 4th, 2008

Writer's Block: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

What is one thing you MUST do before you go to bed at night?

Honestly, if i don't write down all my thoughts before i sleep i will wake up screaming, sweating, kicking, and sometimes cussing. i'm not sure why, but if i go to bed thinking about what problems are going on in my life currently, especially the unsolved ones, i'll have terrible dream. i'm not sure if it's some sort of disorder but writing solves it.

Writer's Block: The sound of inspiration

What type of music inspires you?
Music itself inspires me. It doesn't matter the genre. just if i can relate to the lyrics, or if i has a good beat it just fills me up with ideas. another music related thing that inspires me is when i play the music. i love playing my alto saxophone. and someday i hope to play tenor, or possibly barri. 

Writer's Block: Nicknames

What's your nickname, and how did you get it?
well, my nickname is "messy jessi" i got it before i was even in pre-school, when i went to daycare. see i was the messiest eater there, and it just kinda stuck. i'm now in eighth grade, and still get an occasional "hey look, it's messy jessi" and it just makes me laugh and then think about the good old days. :D

Apr. 5th, 2008

Writer's Block: In this perfect world

What is your idea of a perfect world? Why do you feel this way?
My perfect world, is just me and him. Nobody would try and start stupid arguements between us. And I could just lay there for hours in his arms, and not say anything, but still, he'd know everything going through my head. In my perfect world I wouldn't be told how terrible I am for every mistake I've made, like I am now. In my perfect world, my mom and I wouldn't be sperated by these many miles. In my perfect world I wouldn't be afraid of being judged, by my own father. In my perfect world, my dad and I wouldn't fight. 

and all of this just reminded me that, I'll never have my perfect world. ever.

Writer's Block: "Nothing Sharpens Sight Like Envy"

What quality in your closest friend are you most envious of and why?
 I honestly not a very jealous person, but if there was a quality in my closest friend that I'm envious of would have to be how good of a listener he is, he always tries to help me with everything, and he actually shuts up long enough to listen, and I have issues with that mainly because I love to talk... alot.

Writer's Block: Saturday Night

How are your Saturday nights different now than they were five years ago?
 Well, considering that five years ago I was only eight, I was usually at home with mom, dad was out drinking or doing god knows what. My friend Harley was usually at my house. My mom had just had a baby so Harley and I were usually helping her with the baby, or just playing with her. 

Now, I'm usually at my boyfriend's house, just messing around, talking, or spending time with him, his mom deana, and his two sisters brooke and paige, or I'll be down state and my mom's house hanging out with some of my siblings, my mom, and her boyfriend jim.


 I can't deny the fact I'm in love. I'm not sure i knew but I just do. I can't do anything or go anywhere with out thinking about him, Its like he controls me, and he doesn't even know that he does. It's not like he trys to do it, just the way he looks at me, and holds me in his arms. People might say that I'm to young to be in love, but how do you know what i feel, you can't, and unless you've been in love, then you have no clue. Last night I was up until three in the morning thinking about him, we had talked on the phone for three hours before that. It's just, we talked about getting married, and living together. and I haven't seen him since wednesday, and i don't get to see him until monday. its not fair. haha. but honestly, I'm happy I have somebody to love. :D 

Apr. 1st, 2008

my life.

My parents had me, Then they got married on new years in 1996. I don't really remember much from my childhood, which I guess is a good thing. They wouldn't have gotten married if I wasn't born. Nothing to exciting until about eight years after I was born. My mom got pregnant, and was diagnosed with cardiomyoprathy (I'm not sure how to spell that, sorry). But what that is, its like a heart attack, the doctor told them that it was just the same as heart failure. Against all odds, my little sister was born and my mom survived. She was born June 28th 2003. Around the same time my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. He passed away on September 26th, a day after my dad's birthday. It was hard on him, it was the first and only time I've seen my dad cry. My mom wasn't supposed to have anymore kids, so she had her heart medicine and birth control. Her birth control was not a high enough dosage because she got pregnant again, two years later. The doctor said that she needed to get an abortion, but my dad said no. Again, against all odds, my other little sister was born on August 27th. After that my parents marriage kind of collapsed. Finally when I was in sixth grade, they decided to get a divorce, it wasn't the ugliest divorce, but it sure as hell wasn't pretty. I decided to move with my mom to live with her mom. It defiantly made my life a living hell. I finished up sixth grade there. Then I was accepted in to a elite secondary school, but my mom couldn't stand living with her mom and sister any more so she moved about three hours away with her high school sweetheart. I really didn't want to move schools again. So I decided to move back in with my dad and go back to the school that I had went to my whole life. My dad and I fight constantly. He works second shift so he works from three till eleven at night, so I stay at his mom's house after school until around 11:30 and he comes to get me. Which makes everything at school hard, because I have a hard time staying awake. My mom's boyfriend, Jim is like my dad. He is there for everything. And thats pretty much my life. UPDATING: JUNE 4TH 2008. So, now, I'm now moving down state to my mom's. I don't really want to, but I've just been getting into to much trouble at my dad's house because of the lack of parental supervision, so I think it'll wind up being better for me in the long run. Anyways, I'll be going to school with Jeremy, which is my mom's boyfriend's ex wife's kid. But Jeremy and I get along, he is 16 turning 17 in July. He said he was also going to help me make some new friends over the summer. So I'll keep LiveJournal updating about whats going on. But there might be a period where I'm not on here much at all, just moving isn't easy sorry.